What if we could measure the amount of emotional neglect that we are experiencing around us? The “neglect” in question would be the lack of empathy that we feel for the other person. We are often so caught up in our own thoughts, emotions, and concerns that we don’t notice the behaviors, actions, and conversations that cause us to be neglected.
Emotional neglect is a fairly reliable indicator of a person’s overall level of neglect. The more we think and feel about something, and the more we feel like we are the only person in our world who cares about this thing, the more we are likely to be neglected. The more emotional neglect you experience, the more likely you might have people around you who are ignoring you, disrespecting you, or being cruel to you.
People with low levels of emotional neglect tend to be more prone to neglecting other people. It’s easy to see this in our own lives. One of my clients was recently diagnosed with cancer, so my wife and I were on both sides of her bed, watching her sleep. It was a very quiet, peaceful night, until she suddenly woke up and went to the bathroom.
This didn’t feel like a moment of neglect, it felt like a moment of depression. I was thinking, “You’re really going to miss this one, aren’t you?” But then she came out of the bathroom and I realized that she was completely fine.
A large number of people suffer from emotional neglect. In the United States, there are more than 1.3 million people with psychiatric disorders in a population of nearly 150 million people. Some of these people live with symptoms of mental illness, and others suffer from symptoms of trauma. In addition, people with mental illness are at an increased risk of suicide, especially if their symptoms have not been treated.
When I looked at her I could see she had some slight injuries from a car crash, but otherwise she was okay. There was a nice bit of blood on her left sleeve and a wound on her forehead, but she’d been bleeding for a while. She was also pretty calm, but I don’t know why.
I was wondering how to tell if someone was emotionally neglecting. Many people have this condition, where they are emotionally neglected (being left to their own devices), but they are also very emotionally healthy. I know for my own life I was very neglectful of my mental illness, and I still want to get the help I need, but I’m not always able to show up and be open about it.
I have a friend who is very emotionally neglected. I know this because she and I have been friends since I was 16. I can’t tell you how many times over the years, she has talked to me, I have talked to her about my own feelings, and she has never once said anything negative about me. This is the difference between her and other friends to me.
So the next time someone reaches out to you and says they have a problem with you, don’t blame them for being neglectful. Instead, blame yourself for being neglectful of yourself. “I was so afraid of hurting or disappointing him that I neglected myself,” you say. “I should have spoken up then, instead of just going along with it.
I think my friend is right. If you’re a friend of someone’s, you have to accept that they aren’t perfect. We tend to hold our own imperfections all the way to the top. But that doesn’t mean we can’t be grateful for each other’s imperfections. It just means we need to accept that we have some self-esteem issues.
